What are your thoughts about X-Rated movies? Do you watch them with your partner and/or alone? Do you care if your partner watches them? Do you feel there’s a limit to how much a person should watch them?
Did you know that under the right circumstances and in the proper frame of mind, watching porn together can actually do wonders for your sex life. “Porn can actually help foster emotional and sexual intimacy,” says Colorado psychologist David Schnarch, author of Resurrecting Sex: Solving Sexual Problems and Revolutionizing Your Relationship.
Found in the Huffington Post here are 5 reasons Stacey Nelkin says watching porn can be good for your relationship:
1. It is a shared experience. Any time a couple can share a hobby, or even better, a sexual experience, they are investing in the longevity of their relationship. Going solo with porn is fine, but why not include your partner? In a memorable scene in The Kids Are Alright, Annette Bening and Julianne Moore played a lesbian couple who had their own fun under the sheets while watching a porn film together. Just make sure the kids are out of earshot before proceeding.
2. It’s an easy way to learn about your partner’s fantasies. Some people are very shy or ashamed about sharing their sexual fantasies with their partners. Others don’t even know what really turns them on, much less what gets their spouses’ engines revved. Thanks to the Internet, there’s a veritable smorgasbord of video clips with professionals and amateurs playing out any and every possible sexual act. With a simple touch of a button, you might be fortunate enough to see your inner desires being acted out onscreen. For those rendered speechless by the question, “What do you fantasize about?” a video clip may say it all. That may be precious information if your partner really wants to learn how to please you. And a great lover aims to please.
3. It can speed up foreplay. In this modern world when everything and everyone is moving at an accelerated pace, the term “quickie” can take on a new significance. And if you have young children who are perpetually just one knock away from the bedroom door, you may need to expedite your intimate moments. According to New Scientist, “In a 2006 study at McGill University, researchers monitored genital temperature changes to measure sexual arousal and found that, when shown porn clips, men and women alike began displaying arousal within 30 seconds; men reached maximum arousal in about 11 minutes, women in about 12.”
4. It shatters the myth that you can (and should) only be attracted to your mate. We need to admit and accept the fact that our partner can be turned on by others. Chances are great that you and/or your mate will be fantasizing about someone other than each other at some point during the course of a long-term relationship. Surely even Brad finds women besides Angelina to be attractive — and visa-versa. Watching porn together allows you to see your partner’s arousal at the image of another woman for what it is — a biological response to a stimulus. There’s no need to feel threatened and insecure.
5. It may lessen the need to act out on sexual desires outside of your relationship. Home is where the heart is, and home can also be the place where all of your sexual needs and fantasies are met. If couples can get down and dirty together, it may obviate the need for “extracurricular activities,” and I don’t mean the kind you can put on your resume. If you’re sexually satisfied by your partner, you’re less likely to look for gratification elsewhere. Some think that watching or thinking about another is tantamount to “cheating” on your mate, but this sort of mindset ignores a central fact of human sexuality — most of us crave variety. Allowing your spouse to look at someone else out in cyberspace won’t wreck your relationship, but forbidding him/her to do so might put a strain on it. And since it’s probable that porn will be viewed, giving permission allows for honesty and openness about one’s habits rather than feeling like they are shameful secrets that must be kept hidden. You won’t need to clear your “history” on your laptop anymore.