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Now before you head straight to the comments section to each give me a “You tell ‘em, girl!” or a “Women be tripping,” hear me out for a minute.

I’ve noticed that when our sex life is purring, our house is cleaner. We divide much more of the housework evenly. My husband kicks me out of the house so I can have “me time.” I’m less frustrated and stressed. We don’t bicker as much. In short, when our bedroom activities are on point, so is our marriage.

But see, it’s a Catch-22. Because in order for me to really feel like my best sexual self, I need to feel good about our marriage and my husband’s appreciation of my role in it. I need to see him loading the dishwasher or asking me if I need anything before he heads to the store. I need him to give me a back massage just ’cause, not with the intention of getting me in the mood. In short, I need our marriage to be on point so our bedroom activities can be on point.

So I ask – what comes first: regular sex or a husband who is tuned into my needs? Is he tuned into my needs because HIS needs are getting met? Even though I don’t think physical touch is one of my main love languages…maybe it really is? We’ve all heard that men can be turned on by the sight of anything, whereas women need to be in the mood for a lil’ loving before a lil’ loving can happen.

As I approach five years in this marriage, I’m amazed by all the lessons I’m learning about how to keep our twosome tight. And by far, the biggest lesson I’ve learned is that if we’re cranky and pissy with each other, it’s probably because we haven’t been having enough sex. There’s something about physical connectedness that gives our relationship a boost. If we’ve gone a week without cuddling in bed, without holding hands as we drive somewhere, without giving each other a hug after work, then it shows in how we treat each other.  So we have to build in those opportunities for touching in all our interactions if we want to keep the peace and continue to grow with each other.

Readers, what do you think comes first – a great sex life or a loving marriage? Do you think its possible to have one without the other?