For the past couple of months, I was blessed with the experience of being in the most amazing, intimate, and heart expanding relationship I have ever been in. Every moment we spent together was more fulfilling in so many ways than I had ever experienced with anyone else in my life. We were so compatible in most of the areas of our lives, and even our differences complimented each other so gracefully. I couldn’t help but think…maybe she was “the one.”
Unfortunately, my visions and desires for what could have been between us came to an abrupt conclusion as the New Year rolled around. I found out that, although she loved me deeply, cherished our relationship, and was blown away by how I had matched almost everything on her “list,” she didn’t think I was “the one” for her.
This was very hard and painful for me to hear. But alas, every experience, whether it induces pain or pleasure, is an opportunity for me to learn and grow from, and I always make that my mantra in all areas of my life. So as I stepped out of the love bubble that I was so intensely committed to, I began to peel back the layers and examine what I was supposed to learn from this.
There are many people on this planet that believe, or at least want to believe, the idea that there is one perfect match out there for each of us. This idea is romanticized extensively in our society and in some ways brainwashes many of us into believing that one day we will find “the one” for us and will recognize them clearly when they arrive.
The more I reflected upon my latest relationship, the more I realized that somewhere deep in my heart, I wanted to believe this was true myself. It really is a nice idea if you think about it! I am a born romantic, and in this most recent relationship, I really for the first time embraced that. So it was easy for me to get caught up in this way of thinking and dreaming that she was my “one.”
But now that the relationship is over, I feel this void in my life. I invested so much energy, time, and love into this relationship thinking that it could be the life partnership I was longing for, but now that I am back on my own, I truly realize that I had been looking for my partner in the wrong place.
A good friend of mine once told me that I am “the one” for me and that anyone else will just be the icing on the cake.
Nobody out there was going to truly fulfill what I was looking and longing for.
Now, I will say that I have believed this to be true for many years, and, quite honestly, I don’t think I would have been able to attract such an amazing and truly compatible girl into my life in the first place if I had not done so much extensive work on myself first. I spent the good part of the last eight years learning to love myself more, getting clearer on who I was, and uncovering what I truly wanted. Yet, I didn’t realize that, on some level, I was still looking for “the one” to come in and complete the puzzle. Not to mention, I was unconsciously valuing the love and appreciation that I was feeling from my girlfriend more than the love and appreciation that I had for myself.
So here I am, back on my own and back to the drawing board. I realize that no matter how much I practiced self-love before, there are still parts of me and parts of my life that I can love even more. While I was in this relationship, I showed up in ways that I didn’t even know were possible. I gave so much love and support unconditionally without the expectation of getting anything back. And as a result, I gave a lot more than I received.
But now that I am out of the relationship, I realize that I truly do desire, and in some sense need, someone to show up for me the way I show up for them. But, in order for that to happen next time around, I NOW need to show up for myself and see myself in the same way!
So I have chosen to take all that time, energy, and love that I invested into my relationship the past couple of months and put it back into myself.
In order for true partnership to show up in any of our lives, we need to stop looking for “the one” out there and stop hoping that someday our other half will show up and fulfill what we are longing for. In all truth, YOU are the one for you, and YOU are the one you have been looking for.
I am now putting all my effort into embracing that the most important relationship I have in this life is with MYSELF. I’m not saying I have it all figured out and that this won’t happen again in my next relationship (hopefully it won’t). All I can do is learn the lessons, diligently apply them to my life moving forward, and have trust that I truly am ALL that I need. After all, I am the only one I have to spend the rest of my life with!
Take Action Challenge:
For the next seven days, as often as you can each day, look at yourself in the mirror, put your hands over your heart, take a big breath in and say, “I AM THE ONE I HAVE BEEN LOOKING FOR.”