Men Sexually abused by Women

From: From Clutch Magazine: Oprah, Monique, Gabrielle Union, and Queen Latifah are all famous Black women who have shared stories of sexual abuse, and/or rape, with the public. And in each case, the response to their experiences was generally met with compassion and sympathy. They were praised for being courageous enough to speak up and for inspiring other woman to do the same. But why is it that when Lil’ Wayne revealed he was molested and introduced to sex at the age of 11 by a 14-year-old girl on Jimmy Kimmel Live, he was met with laughter rather than shock or sympathy?

It seems there is a double-standard in the way sexual abuse is viewed when it comes to men vs. women. For men, childhood molestation by a female can be viewed as a rite of passage. While women who experience sexual abuse from a male are usually viewed as victims of a serious crime. However, there is a certain aspect of male sexual abuse that comes with a significant level of taboo, hush-hush, shame, scandal and dismay—and that’s male sexual abuse at the hands of another male.

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Why is it that society can’t seem to understand that men have feelings too and that when something is done to them against their will, even if it’s sex, it can affect them mentally and emotionally?  No one wants to be violated in any way and especially when men are still young boys who aren’t really that interested in sex.  For a woman or older girl to take advantage of their body, although most think males just LOVE sex, that is an invasion and can cause some long term damage.

Per Kali Munro, M.Ed., Psychotherapist, on Male Sexual Abuse Victims
of Female Perpetrators
,
many men who were sexually abused by women feel deeply ashamed of themselves, their sexuality, and their gender. Sadly and mistakenly, they believe that there must be something profoundly wrong with them that they were abused in this way. Some men defend against feeling this way by being in a constant state of anger or rage – one of the few emotions that are socially acceptable for men. Many male survivors cope with the abuse by drinking, using drugs, living recklessly, avoiding intimate relationships, numbing their feelings, dissociating, and becoming depressed, anxious or angry.

David Lisak, Ph.D. (1994), in his research with 26 adult male sexual abuse survivors (many of whom were abused by women), found that the effects of the abuse on the men could be grouped according to the following themes:

  • Anger
  • Betrayal
  • Fear
  • Helplessness
  • Homosexuality Issues (mostly for men abused by men)
  • Isolation and Alienation
  • Legitimacy (being able to take the abuse and its effects seriously)
  • Loss
  • Masculinity Issues (feeling okay about being male)
  • Negative Childhood Peer Relations
  • Negative Schemas about People (difficulty trusting others)
  • Negative Schemas about the Self (feeling bad about one’s self)
  • Problems with Sexuality
  • Self Blame/Guilt
  • Shame/Humiliation
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3 comments

  1. Cool article… When I was in college, I had a project for my women’s studies class regarding “violence against women”.

    Naturally, no one was is going stand up in front of the class and dare say “yes! I support violence against women” – especially when there’s about 120 female students in the class and 2 guys, me included.

    So what did I do? I arranged with the professor that if I was on the other side of the debate, that I better get an A grade in the class.

    Well, I talked about what you discussed here: what about violence against men? There can be some mean women out there abusing their men, but if a guy were to tell his buddy that his girlfriend or his wife is beating him up, he’s going to sound like a little sissy. So A LOT of this abuse goes unreported.

    By the time I finished my argument, the mood went from… 120 women getting ready to castrate me with fishing knives to a barely tolerable “okay- we’ll let this one slide” attitude. lol

    • That is very true. I feel bad for those men who are abused but scared to speak up for fear of their manhood being challenged but as soon as he puts that woman in her place then he’s the bad guy. I in no way condone a man abusing a woman but I do see how its a kind of double edged sword for men.

      Thanks for commenting.

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