Getting to know someone for who they are for the most part can take any where from 6 to 12 months. After that time frame you are still getting to know different things about them, but the core of who they are usually surfaces in the time frame I mentioned. Like lets say you are dating a liar, they will have lied in that period of time. And if you are dating a cussing alcoholic, I doubt they can hide that for more than a year. Even if you were dating that person long distance, the slurs in their voice should ring some bells in your head.
Yes, in dating, most of the time what you see is what you get. You may like most of what you see and try to change the rest, but a person is who they are, understand.
Does that mean that they will never change, well I hope that is not the case. Everyone should strive to change for the better. But the reality of life is that some people never change. With that being said, if there are things about the person that you are currently dating or will date that you can not, will not, and shall not tolerate in a long-term marriage, you should just walk away and not look back. Now lets say that person changes, well if you deem them worth it go and give it another go! And if you think the person can change while still being in a relationship with you, then give that a go as well. But if after a year has passed and the behaviors remain I’d say bounce up out of there and move on. See the reason marriage gets a bad rap so much by negative people is because they marry people who they don’t really like or enjoy. Then they complain to any and everyone about that persons issues. If you married a guy that smokes and always likes to hang out late with his buddies why complain so much when you knew what you were getting?
There are cases where people change after marriage for the worst and in that case I say stand up for what you believe! Don’t tolerate mess! But what I’m referring to in this post isn’t that type of situation. People fall in love and then they stick around long enough to see a persons flaws. The flaws are deal breakers in their eyes, yet they don’t allow the flaws to break the deal. For the sake of “love” they stay and argue, cry, and complain, attempting to make the person change. Not wise, people change when they are ready to change, not because you try to make them. Here’s my philosophy in a nut shell: If the hang ups you have with a person isn’t something you can put up with forever, walk away and move on to another flawed human that you can put up with. Back when I was available to date if I was hit on by a smoker he didn’t even get my phone number because that was something I didn’t want to deal with in a marriage. Who ever he was could have stopped smoking, that was possible, but it was also possible that he could have struggled with it for years and smoked around our children. Not worth the risk for me! Ok, that about raps it up! I hope you get it and got it, if so then good!