Do you know why your past relationships ended? If you have had a string of disappointing unions, it might be worthwhile to conduct a postmortem to see what patterns emerge.
According to Dr. Phil, here’s how to conduct your own relationship autopsy:
- Identify what your problems and frustrations were with your relationship.
- Write down the problems your partner had with you. Be honest with yourself.
- Write down 10 key statements about the pain you still feel and the open wounds you still have. Again, honesty is essential.
- You need to reconcile each of the statements you wrote down. Ask yourself: What was my role in each of these? Own what you are responsible for.
- What choices did you make that led to the results you got in your last relationship?
- You teach people how to treat you. Did you teach your partner to treat you badly?
- What do you have to change to get over your last relationship? How do you need to heal?
- What do you want to leave behind from your last relationship? Only when you acknowledge it, can you take the steps to prevent repetition.
- You need emotional closure. To get that, you need to figure out what your ”minimal effective response” is… the least thing you can do to get the closure. It may be yelling and screaming, writing your thoughts down, or actually talking to your ex. If you need to take steps to feel like you’ve stood up for yourself, do it.
So, since the only common denominator in all of your relationships is you, taking some time to reflect on the past could open some new doors for you in the future. I always like to say it like this….if the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result….why not actually try something different? A different behavior. A different expectation. Different standards for treatment. Try dating someone you wouldn’t consider “your type”. Mix it up and see what results….