Thanks to Steven J Dixon this is long but worth the read. Very good points are made and before some women are ready to jump down his throat I’ll put his disclaimer first 🙂 :
*DISCLAIMER: This article is not to imply that men only cheat for sex. This article is not to imply that if you freak your man down six times a day, seven days a week that he won’t cheat on you.
I hate when women ask questions like “Why can’t a man just keep IT in his pants?” Or when women make blanket, blind statements like “What a wife does or does not do in the bedroom has nothing to do with the husband cheating. Husbands make a vow before God, family and friends to not cheat on his wife.” My response is that the woman standing beside the man while he was making his vows to be a husband also made some vows to be a wife. A big part of being a wife is pleasing your husband sexually. I recently met at an undisclosed location with a panel of ten husbands who were currently cheating on their wives. (I am the RelationshipBeast, Dr. Phil won’t go to the gutter to get that really, real intel like me! Oprah would not be allowed in the room with a panel of ten men who are currently cheaters! I said current cheaters! Not ten-year-ago-I-was-cheating-because-I-was-doing-cocaine-cheaters! REAL CHEATERS! RIGHT HERE! RIGHT NOW! (Dear Oprah, no disrespect. Get at me. Dr. Phil, I hope you been saving. I am coming for your spot.)
Nine out of the ten husbands that are currently cheating said that if they were getting the same sex after the wedding date that they were getting before the wedding date that they would not be cheating. Let me say that again but differently: Nine out of the ten husbands said that their wives are not handling their bit-ness! A husband is a man first, and a man is going to have sex. Wives, if you don’t care to have a healthy sex life with your husband, you don’t have to but when you find out that his sex life is healthy without you . . . don’t be mad.
Yesterday I was in a counseling session with a wife that was an emotional mess after finding out that her husband was cheating. (He was not a member of the panel.) She said this in her cry voice (I am not making fun of her! Just trying to write an entertaining article for y’all. Now read this in your cry voice.) “Mr. RelationshipBeast he told me that she does things to him that no woman has ever done to him. He said that no woman has ever made him feel the way that she makes him feel.” I said something that made her abruptly stop crying. I said, “How you let some other trick turn yo husband out?” (I am the RelationshipBeast! Don’t be coming at me thinking that I am not going to keep it real with you! I am here to save the Institution of Marriage and change the way that people date and relate. It’s not personal, it’s just business.)
I don’t believe that once a cheater always a cheater. I don’t believe in divorce either so therefore, I must believe in rehabilitation, counseling and re-commitment. The first step in saving a marriage that is in the midst of a cheating scandal is to figure out why the dude was cheating. She said that her husband was willing to talk to me so I called him.
RelationshipBeast: Why did you cheat?
Husband: I haven’t been getting any at home. No sex, no intimacy, no affection.
RelationshipBeast: Why not?
Husband: Well, we have been arguing a lot lately. We are just not getting along. It’s always something.
RelationshipBeast: I tell men everyday “If your woman is always arguing with you, it is because she thinks that you are a woman.” The man is the Director of Communication in the household. Arguments mean that the communication is bad, which means that the Director of Communication is under qualified and will certainly have to be replaced at some point. The MAN must take responsibility for communication. If communication is not going well, if conversation is not going well, if she is not listening to you, then you need to shut up and listen to her. Once she feels that you are hearing her she will stop talking. (Ok, a certain percentage of that previous statement is not true but you get the point.)
Husband: I know, I know. You right! You right!
RelationshipBeast: And you are wrong. You know why you are wrong? You are wrong because you have not taken an active leadership role in resolving your relationship problems before they become a detriment to your marriage. TRANSLATION: I can’t get none when my wife is mad either! So you best believe that in my household you won’t find us angry and not speaking to each other for a week. If my wife is mad at me all week, I ain’t getting none that week. Do the math. I am trying to solve problems ASAP at the crib. Put your wife back on the phone.
Dear Wives of the world,
Remember when you were a girlfriend? Remember that you wanted a husband? Ain’t nothing-changed sista! Girlfriends still want husbands. You have girlfriends right now who would love to have your husband, “AS IS.” In the book “Men Don’t Heal, We Ho” the author says this on page 158: “If you can’t have sex with your husband twice a week you really don’t deserve a faithful husband. You should be banned from getting married. Wives should have to sign something stating that they understand sex twice a week is mandatory. We are talking about the bare minimum here, folks. Twice a week is baseline. That’s easy. Even the bad husbands should get sex twice a week.”
I don’t care how mad you are at your husband, a husband is only going to go so long without having sex. You better know how long he will go! Let me explain “Why Men Cheat.” I am not excusing it, I am just explaining it. It’s very simple. I don’t need to write a whole book about it either, I just need a couple lines:
Sunday night – Husband tries to get him some from the wife and he gets rejected.
Monday – Husband fantasizes about wife all day.
Monday night – Husband still wants some but since the wife rejected him just yesterday he will wait until tomorrow to try again.
Tuesday – Husband fantasizes about wife again . . . all day. Almost touched himself while sitting at his desk.
Tuesday night – Wife rejects husband again.
Wednesday – Husband stops himself from fantasizing about wife. He becomes angry and frustrated.
Wednesday night – He stops looking at his wife in a sexual way.
Thursday – MAN goes to lunch with friends. Man notices attractive woman in his peripheral. Single woman notices man noticing her. (Did you notice that I said MAN now as in not husband or taking a break from being married? Not that I believe in that. Just saying if he had a wife and he was married, he would be having sex with her! Marriage and sex go hand and hand. Too many women are having sex without marriage and too many men are having marriage without sex.)
Thursday night – Man fantasizes about single woman.
Friday – Man fantasizes about single woman.
Friday night – Man fantasizes about single woman.
Saturday – Wife curses husband out about him making the wrong flavor of Kool-Aid.
Saturday night – At the watch party for the game the fantasy woman walks up on the man that has been fantasizing about her for the past 48 hours. She makes herself available to him. Now the man has the ability to act on his fantasy. Wife’s husband has a new girlfriend.
Moral to the story: Husbands want to have sex with their wives. When they are not having sex with their wives, fantasizing about their wives drives them crazy. We are going to fantasize. It is best that the fantasy is about our wives. If we are mentally stopping ourselves from fantasizing about our wives then we will be open to fantasizing about another woman. Once we start fantasizing about another woman it is only a matter time before we can act on our fantasy. Wives, y’all can argue from Sunday to Friday but by Saturday afternoon you best be getting it popping!
Dear Husbands of the world,
You want the good news or the bad news first? . . . Huh? . . . Ok, bad news first:
Bad News: It is more difficult to get sex from your wife than it was to get sex from her as a girlfriend. We just have to accept that. We didn’t have to earn it as a boyfriend, single women give sex away for free. Your wife is tired man. When y’all were dating, you took her to dinner. Now that you are married you want her to cook. When you were dating, kids were not in the picture. Now that you are married, she is the primary caretaker of the kids.
Good News: You can increase the quality and quantity of your sex life! Very simple. You have to make her feel special and loved. In the morning you have to compliment her and send her off on her day with a smile on her face. In the afternoon, you have to call her and check on her and let her know that you are looking forward to seeing her later. In the evening, greet her with that love tap, a big hug, and a kiss. Ask her how her day was. Get dinner started or put a load in the washer or something. Do something around the house. Wash a kid or something. If your wife don’t get in the bed until after nine or ten o’clock every night then she just might be too tired to have sex with you.
Men, here is a little test to know if you will be smacking it, flipping it and rubbing it down tonight. If you have passed this test then you have arrived at first base. If you are having trouble getting from first base to home plate then you need to get a copy of “Men Don’t Heal, We Ho”. When you get into the bed, ask yourself, “Did you make her smile today?”
Original article: “On Behalf Of The Men Who Have Cheated”