I’m sure we’ve all heard the saying “Action speaks louder than words” and in most cases it’s true. However, there are many times when what is said needs to be held in high regard. I’ve seen the damage that can be caused by ignoring what we’ve heard. I have a close male friend (purely platonic) that hasn’t been looking for anything serious. He is a very good guy however he just isn’t looking to pursue anything serious just yet. He often shares stories with me about the women he dates. It usually ends badly with the woman falling hard and him not being willing to catch her. My first question to him is usually “didn’t you tell her upfront that you weren’t looking for anything serious.” He usually explains that the conversation was had in the beginning but it usually doesn’t stop the woman from wanting more. Herein lays the problem. It’s very hard for a woman to accept the “I’m not looking for anything serious” line from an otherwise “good guy”. The reason is simple even if this man isn’t interested in a future with this woman he is likely still going to treat her well, after all that’s what good guys do. It is engrained in us over and over that actions speak louder, so these women are thinking to themselves,” he wouldn’t call if he didn’t really like me” or “he wouldn’t spend time with me if he didn’t want to be with me”. It’s very likely that this man does genuinely like you… as a friend and as a friend why wouldn’t he call or hang out with you. I’ve been that emotionally unavailable person which is why I can understand the other side. I’ve causally dated guys and was up front that I’m not interested in a relationship. Even after saying that it never stopped that dreaded day from coming when they would want more than I was willing to give. It wasn’t because they weren’t my type, I just simply wasn’t in a space in my life where I wanted anything serious. I can see how my actions may have said differently. I mean I’m a thoughtful person by nature so yes I may bring him soup when he’s sick or shoot him a good morning text each morning. That doesn’t mean I’m in love it just means I like you enough to treat you how I would any other person in my life. Now is it fair to that person who gets their heart broken, probably not, but this is the reality. I can admit that I may have given mix messages but I’m human! I may not want the commitment of the relationship but I still value companionship and all that lovey dovey stuff but I want it on my terms. This typically holds true for men. They don’t want the constant attachment but they do want that occasional intimacy. Again I’m not saying it’s fair but its reality. As women we have to assess the situation with clear eyes AND ears. If a man tells you he’s not looking for a mate and you know you are, do yourself a favor and move on. Don’t sale yourself short waiting for him to be ready for something more because more than likely when that time comes he probably won’t choose you anyway. Think about it this way… If a man sees you giving him 100% and he’s only giving you 20% he’s going to question how much you value your worth. So like a wise woman once said “When a person TELLS you who they are.. Believe them. I love you for reading.
Post by Share My Sonshine