Date Me or F*ck You!

It’s just that simple.

I’m so exhausted with this dating bullshit I’ve been experiencing this past year. Is dating nonexistent? A few weeks back I met a nice guy at a birthday gathering. He gave me the full run down of his educational and employment background – boasting about working for President Obama and being a praise dancer at church. Ok, he seems well rounded. I went on to tell him a little about myself and we proceeded to hit the dance floor. We spent a good 15 minutes dancing with each other and went our separate ways to mingle with the other partygoers. We exchanged numbers before exiting the party and that’s when he hit me with the one-two punch, “Can I come back to Brooklyn with you?” I was so disappointed and would have given him a little credit if he were drunk. Unfortunately he wasn’t. My response, “You haven’t swipe your credit card enough.”

I’ve dabbled in quite a few different types of men – rich, broke, dumb, butt ugly, and fine. I miss the guys that used to smother me with attention and affection. I even appreciate the cheating, stand-up guy who went out his way to please both me and the other girl. But what the hell is going on with men today? A dip boo buddy friend once told me that he prefers to be pursued by women. He prefers women to take the initiate and request dates. It’s the “millennium.”  I was so angry listening to that bullshit but couldn’t offer a comeback. That’s the laziest shit I’ve ever heard and any man that has that mentality should be shot. The sad reality is that there is a ton of women willing to step up to the plate and take ALL leads just to be with a man.

Maybe I missed the memo but whatever happened to dating…like real dating. Like going OUT and not making it a movie night at the crib on the 1st date. Putting thought into restaurant selections and taking note of that fact that I’ve never been to MoMA.  Should I convince myself that because a nice, decent man is a rarity that I shouldn’t expect anything more than his presence? The problem is, with dating, is that there’s an overwhelming number of bad apples in the bunch. Picking and choosing can be tedious, discouraging and time consuming.  I remember dating a guy who strategically planned dates with me every week for a month, so that by the end of the month his request for sex would be justified. He flat out said,

“I’ve done what I need to do. We’ve been dating every week. Do you want to have sex?”

How lame.

Once we’re privy to meeting a guy that wants to spend time before hitting the sheets, we might have to deal with a cast of characters: Clingy Christopher, Psycho Paul, Musky Balls Mike, and Stalker Sam. I’m not saying that dating a decent guy is impossible, but given the landscape (specifically New York City) dating has become a thorn in the ass. Men have women at their disposal. Women are very well aware of this and often times will do (or allow) anything for companionship or a man. I love black men but I’m starting to think that I should jump on the bandwagon and date outside the race. Sigh

Another issue that grinds my gears is the dynamics of dating. The dating game and rules has become extremely complicate as the decades progress. There’s no need to get to know a person when there’s Google and Facebook. Text messaging, instant messaging and Skype has destroyed the beauty in late night telephone calls. Maybe it’s the hopeless romantic, spoiled brat in me, but I want to be wooed – not poked on Facebook. I had more fun dating in high school than as a 26 year old woman. I miss the days of dates that ended with him nervous wondering if he should ask for a kiss. Now I have to practically fake a heavy period, just to avoid him demanding to come to my apartment to chill.

I’m looking forward to marriage because this dating thing isn’t for me.

What are your issues with dating? Any dating horror stories? What are your thoughts on interracial dating? Check out this article featured on Essence.com “6 Fabulous Reason to Date More Than One Man at a Time.”

Post written by GirlHush.com

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11 comments

  1. This is a tough one… but like with most things, there’s always two sides to a story.

    I am your “nice guy”. I believe I treat women well. I’m fairly educated, have my quirky form of humor, and I take care of the women in my life.

    However, women may want that… but when that guy shows up, he never seems to get the girl. Nice guys appear to be pushovers to women. Women are interested in men who are leader of the pack, not bend at every whim the woman desires.

    I dated this girl back in college, and she was gorgeous. Once summer hit, I was studying for my MCAT exam and she said she understood. The day before I took my exam, she wanted to end the relationship because she felt “alienated”. Her words. Because I hadn’t been paying enough attention to her and she missed me terribly.

    So once the fall season came and school resumed, we met up and got back together in less than 48 hours. A year passed, and summer came again. This time, I made sure not to make the same mistake. So I carefully planned to make time to drive to her place and take her out on dates.

    At the end of that summer, right before my MCATs (round 2), she ended the relationship again. This time, she said I suffocated her and didn’t give her enough space. =( I seriously wanted to shoot myself because that contradiction like…. completely jammed my system and any fiber of logic and reasoning I had.

    Of course, that’s just the story about one particular girl. But you know something? Ever since, I’ve stopped caring about the girls as much as I did when I dated her. *shrugs* I’m still hopeful to find a great gal one day, but until then, my pilot light is relatively dim.

    • I have to admit that women can be fickle. Its not easy for men in the dating game either but I have to say I don’t know any woman that wants a “yes man”. I can’t say its so much the good guy but we have to be told no sometimes even if we pout about it. Although we’re all adults we still have a lot of childish ways. We tend to push the limits to see how far we can go & if you let us run over you then how can we know you will stand up for us when / if the time comes? Women like to feel protected.

    • “Nice guys appear to be pushovers to women. Women are interested in men who are leader of the pack, not bend at every whim the woman desires.”

      – I agree nice guys (sometimes) finish last. I’ve been guilty of blowing a guy off because he was too nice and/or too eager to please. I’m usually interested again once he shows a little disinterest. It’s twisted form of the ‘law of attraction’. Everyone loves a chase. I’m not a fan of “bad” guys but there’s something about “bad” guys that reeks confidence, security, and spontaneity. Finding that balance between being a respectable, nice guy and assertive and aggressive is simply difficult for some men. That’s usually the issue I have with “nice” guys.

  2. “I had more fun dating in high school than as a 26 year old woman. I miss the days of dates that ended with him nervous wondering if he should ask for a kiss. Now I have to practically fake a heavy period, just to avoid him demanding to come to my apartment to chill.”

    These “HOT & NOW” “PU$$Y HUT DELIVERY” BYTCHES done messed it up for everybody! IJS…

  3. I was at a friend’s apartment the other night, and some guy had his 4 year old son call my friends girlfriend to ask her to come over and “hang out” with him.

    Frankly, after the creepiness wore off, we all got a good laugh at it, but it made me wonder, what happened to the days of asking a woman out, sweating her response, going on some dates, and seeing where things go?

    Also, you seem like the type of person who would enjoy a blog started by a man (me) listing reasons women are better than men. To be fair, I just started it last night so don’t expect too much right now…

  4. Wow! I will say this. I consider myself a southern gentleman. A “nice guy”. However, you’d better get to know me and don’t judge me too quickly. I filter who I am “nice” to. Being “nice” does not equate soft, or a pushover ladies. I have broad shoulders and a strong back…and a stiff neck! I will treat you like a queen; if you behave like a queen!! If you behave like a peasant, I will treat you like a peasant!!! I am very assertive, and confident, and yes nice too. Just not to everybody. If you ladies are having a tough time dating at 26 or even 30, you’d better “fasten your seatbelts” if you surpass the 30 & up group!!!! It don’t get no better!!! Take your time, get to know someone FIRST. You might miss yo’ man looking for a mix that don’t exist. That Badboy type is NOT attractive at 40!!! It’s only temporary. I know what women find attractive, but make sure it ain’t somebody who’s gonna make you miserable in the future!!!

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