Honesty is overrated. There are some things that really should be left unspoken, and congratulations to your boyfriend for knowing this. Here are ten things he’s not dumb enough to tell you.
1. Those pants don’t make your ass look big. That fat makes your ass look big.
2. When you ask him what he’s thinking all the time, he figures ‘nothing’ is a safer response than ‘your best friend’s breasts’.
3. The rules of fidelity are exempt inside a strip club. That kind of touching doesn’t count.
4. Your cooking isn’t really that spectacular, but he doesn’t mind if it means he doesn’t have to do it.
5. He’s probably had a better blow job than yours at some point in his life, but he’s certainly not fool enough to mention this.
6. Sometimes, a night belching with the boys really is more fun than a night with you.
7. The fifth spot on his freebie list reads ‘any celebrity I happen to run into and find attractive’ – and yes, the definition of celebrity is open to interpretation based on the circumstances.
8. The only thing he finds more painful than dissecting your feelings is getting hit in the nuts.
9. He checks out your mother. Not in an ‘I wanna hit that’ way, in a ‘what am I gonna be hitting in 20 years if I stick around?’ way.
10. What happened in Vegas. She stayed there.