Balancing Act: My Boyfriend Gave Me an STD

At 28, I’ve had many unexpected events happen in my life. I’ve traveled around the world, attained a level of professional success unprecedented by any member of my family or close circle, and even hobnobbed with the upper echelon of society. Professionally, most people would consider me to be smart, pragmatic and a go-getter. Personally, I’ve been proud to say that my private life is as fruitful as my career; well, at least that’s what I thought.

I’ve always taken pride in making sure that my life was good on all fronts. Yes, I am a career woman, but my emphasis was on the latter part. I find equal pleasure in bringing home and frying up the bacon. Additionally, I have to admit that I was scared straight. I’ve seen or heard of enough single Black woman sob stories to make sure that I sharpened my saw, you know, keep it right and tight, so when I met Mr. Right he’d have no choice but to put a ring on it. By my late twenties, I felt like I was doing everything right. Then things went really wrong.

After going through the tiresome rituals of hunting for someone who’d be more than Mr. Right. Now, I finally scored a winner in Aaron*. He was smart, professional, God-fearing, and handsome, and seemed to genuinely like me. Most important, I liked him. For weeks we did it up; movies, plays and dinners. Eventually, we became intimate and like a good girl I made sure we used protection… at first.

I have to be honest. The sex was good. We became exclusive. My resolve to use condoms waned. Yep, 1-2-3. Before I knew it, occasional slips of getting in a quickie sans a Lifestyle turned into our lifestyle. While I did address my concerns about the consequences of our lustful, unprotected trysts, I never drew a line. I never demanded we stop. And truthfully, I never wanted to. The intimacy that we shared made me feel closer to Aaron. Additionally, I believed that he’d stick by my side and we’d get married if we made a baby. Sadly, I didn’t seriously consider the other things my Prince Charming might gift me.

About 18 months into our relationship I went to a routine OB-GYN visit and later found out that I had an STD. Aaron had been my only partner since my last visit. Shame is the only word that I can use to sum up how I felt while getting lectured by my doctor about the importance of protection. Luckily, the condition was curable, my heartbreak, not so much. After a few lengthy arguments my boyfriend admitted that he had cheated on me and didn’t use protection. He also knew he’d contracted an STD, been treated and assumed (hoped) he hadn’t given it to me.

Eventually, I chose to break things off with Aaron. I still loved him. But how could I trust someone who didn’t think enough of my health or fertility to inform me of his betrayal? I know he isn’t the only person culpable. He was selfish. I was foolish. I knew the risk of having unprotected sex — even in a relationship — and I took it. I can only blame myself.

Today I am working on regaining my trust in men. Aaron’s infidelity didn’t just make me wonder about our relationship, it made me reconsider the faithfulness of all unions — especially marriage. Will I be able to believe that my next mate, or more importantly, my spouse, will be responsible enough to protect us both? We always hear about women in our community contracting incurable diseases and I don’t want to be part of that statistic. My ex-boyfriend’s infidelity damaged more than my heart and health. It took my faith. I hope I can get it back.

Original Article: Essence.com

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9 comments

  1. I just found out last week that my boyfriend of three years gave me chlamydia. I am hurting so much right now. I feel so lost, confused, hurt, angry , and betrayed. I just want to die. I dont understand how someone could be so selfish and put someones life in danger like that. The messed up part about my situation is he knew all along he had it. He didnt want to tell me that he had cheated on me with his ex girlfriend. But he did after I got my test results back. She actually told him seven months ago to go get tested but he never told me until now that she gave him a std. This boy has to be the biggest liar and actor of all time. I dont know the last time he slept with her so I could have somthing else other than chlamydia. I told my mom about what happened and younger brother because I knew he would come up with some crazy story and tell them that it wasnt his fault. I am so depressed. I havent eaten in two days, I cant sleep for more then two hours a day, I constantly feel sick to my stomach and feel like throwing up. I never never had a std before and never thought the person who I been with for this long would do that to me. I have no one to talk to. The only person that I have is my mom but she doesnt even talk to me. I just come home and go straight to my room. She doesnt even ask me if im ok and how i am doing . I have missed days from work because I cant stop crying. How could he do this to me idk know how long i could have had this or if im going to still be able to have a baby. I just want to kill myself. I feel like I have no one I can turn to in this cold world. I do pray and believe in God. I think that is the only reason why I havent killed myself yet.

    • Whatever you do killing yourself IS NOT an option!!! I understand he has twisted your world around but please understand it is NOT worth killing yourself. You say you pray and believe in God then please turn to Him and learn that according to Him that is NOT acceptable. God will never give us more than we can bare and even though you feel this is pushing the limit God knows best and if you couldn’t handle it He wouldn’t have allowed it to happen.

      Look at this from the perspective of this may have been God’s way of showing you that your boyfriend isn’t what you thought he was and maybe it was His way of getting you to leave him. I don’t know the ins and outs of your relationship but usually we women know when things aren’t the way they should be in our relationships but we don’t always take heed. Maybe this was your eyeopener.

      Take your time to mourn over a lost love and then grab yourself by the collar and dust yourself off, get up and continue on with your life. The best thing you can do is let this guy know that he can’t keep you down. Love yourself for a while and be ready for a new and hopefully better man to come into your life.

      Your life did not begin with this boyfriend so do not let him be the end of your life! Stay in prayer and I pray the best for you.

  2. Thank you ladyjsvoice for responding to my email. I know I have to keep moving forward with my life. Im just taking it day by day right now and hoping that this horrible time in my life will hurry up and go away. Your right, this is what I needed to happen to me so that I see this guy is NOT for me. Thank you for helping me to see the good in this bad situation. That will help me to not be so angry and sad.

    • You’re welcome. Relationships are rough and can cause so much heartache but we just have to remember that they are not the end all to our lives. We can survive through the pains and come out better on the other side.

      Try to remain positive and when feeling low find something uplifting to read or watch and remember God ALWAYS has your back!

  3. Oh my goodness. I was just looking this up because I just got an unexpected phone call from the ob-gyn office after my last visit. My boyfriend of a few months gave me chlamydia. I have never, EVER had any std in my life. I am so ashamed and devastated. I believe that he didn’t know he had it, but having to confront him and wonder if he would try to say it came from me when I know that’s impossible b/c he is the only one I have been with since last testing, was just an anxiety ridden experience. I am so embarrassed..and I am allergic to the medication they want to give me so I have to go to an allergy clinic and possibly be desensitized so I can take an effective antibiotic. This is a nightmare. I love him and I really do believe him, but I feel so disgusting.

    • I’m sorry that this happened to you & that you have to go to great lengths to have it resolved. You said that you really do believe him, what do you mean? Have you already spoken to him about this and has he told you he’s not sleeping with anyone else?

      • I meant I believe him that he didn’t know he had it. He definitely wasn’t with anyone else while we were together. It had only been a few months and we work together (same shift) and live together so we are never apart. I still can’t believe it happened, and had to spend six hours at an allergy clinic to be treated, but it worked-thank god. Worst and most embarrassing thing that has ever happned to me.

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