People with low self-esteem have their major difficulties in relationships with others. This is because they are unable to establish healthy boundaries or limits with people. The reason, for this inability, is that with low self-esteem comes a variety of irrational thoughts, emotions and actions which leads people to lose themselves in relationships with others. This absorption of self into others leads to a loss of personal internal control. People with low self-esteem have a weakened “internal locus of control” and become dependent on a strong “external locus of control.” They become victims to being controlled by how others think, feel about and act towards them. People with low self-esteem are dependent on others’ approval and recognition and are therefore fearful of rejection by and conflict with others. It has been estimated in the self-esteem literature that over 90 percent of us are suffering from low self-esteem at one degree or another. Therefore most people in relationships are currently suffering from low self-esteem or recovering from it.
People with low self-esteem often have the irrational need to have “perfect” relationships and as a result they are often in competition for control to make their relationships be the way they think they should be. This competition results in the relationships’ health deteriorating and eventually the relationship partners finds themselves in vacuous relationships with deep resentments and hurts. The partners find that they resent the others because of the belief that after giving and giving and giving they have nothing left of themselves to keep the relationships alive and well.
With healthy boundaries established, you will be able to establish and maintain a healthy intimate, physical, emotional and “Spirit filled” relationship with your relationship partners.
This excerpt of information was found on Livestrong.com written by James J Messina, PhD.